- Introduction – What did you change in your introduction? Did you change the opening sentences? Did you better introduce your sources? Did you make changes that make your perspective or thesis more clear?
I did not make any changes to my introductory paragraph.
- Evidence and Explanations – Did you add new evidence and or explanations as you moved from first to final draft? Where? Why? Be specific.
I kept my two original ideas of the paper; difficultly of entering a Discourse and the idea of mushfake vs. faking it. For my first idea, I took out a ton of summary that was unnecessary. For the second idea, I added a little more summary and context to explain the idea of mushfake for the reader to better understand.
- Reorganization – Did you move a paragraph from one place to another? Did you move a quote or quotes, or other kinds of evidence? Did you move statements/sentences where you express a claim? What did you “move around”?
I combined paragraphs to create new paragraphs that follow Barclay’s Formula. I combined my first and second body paragraphs that were about the difficulty of entering a Discourse. The first was Gee’s view on the difficulty of Discourse entry, and the second was Cuddy’s view. I eliminated a lot of summary and combined the two into a Barclay’s Formula paragraph. I did the same for my fourth and fifth body paragraph as well. Those were about Gee’s idea of mushfake, and then Cuddy’s idea of fake it. I decided Barclay’s Formula was a more effective way of comparing these two ideas.
- New Paragraphs – This paper is longer than the first draft. You probably have new paragraphs. Where are they? Why did you add them? How do they improve the project?
The new Barclay’s style paragraphs are the only new paragraphs that I added. They improved the organization of my paper, as well as the flow. Overall, I think it helped me to eliminate the excess of summary to focus more on my explanations and context.
